My Stagename Is ...

Everyone's sex life goes through ups and downs. You first meet and you can't get enough of each other. The touch! The scent! The TASTE! It is all you can do to make it through a date, through dinner ... hell, to even walk down the street without touching and kissing. And it goes on like this for some time. If you are really lucky it goes on for a LONG time!

Hubby and I were really lucky. We were like this from the very start .... no seriously. We had known each other a few weeks, but I was dating someone else. The night I had broken up with my then boyfriend I went to hang out at Hubby's frat house. He stood up and said he was going to bed, and I just walked out of the room with him. And we were together from that point on. I know.... such a little whore! I didn't make him wine me and dine me. I didn't make him suffer through a few dates with a kiss and some heavy petting. But the key really is that I didn't make MYSELF suffer through the same thing.

I enjoy sex. Every aspect of it. Giving pleasure and getting pleasure. And that joy has not faded over the years. I am still that horny teenager 14 years later. Years of experience and experimentation have made me enjoy it more. I know my body so much better. I know Hubby's body as well as, if not better than, my own (but that is a different post).

.... did I mention I tend to go off on tangents ....

So anyway. Fourteen years, a mortgage, two kids, and many pounds gained later we have been going through a definite ebb. For the past year I have really noticed it. And I am sure I am just as guilty of not forcing the issue ... but sue me!! I want him to want me! I want Hubby to find me irresistable. I want him to grab my hand and pull me after him if need be. I want him to EXPRESS that he WANTS me, that he NEEDS me. FUCK! I want a compliment every now and then. But he hasn't. Not in a long time. Don't get me wrong, when we have sex it is fabulous. But once a week, sometimes a little more and sometimes less, is just not enough to keep me satisfied.

So, eventually I decided to take matters into my own hands. But I haven't been toy shopping in 14 years! My last toy shopping experience was with the boyfriend before Hubby. I have been to a few Fun Parties, but I was satisfied and made no new toy purchases. My old stand-by and VERY basic dildo has come in handy .... over and over again. We will call him Old Faithful. Fingers? Oh yeah, those have gotten a lot of use. My stack of Erotica books have come in handy as well. The pictures in my head top any I have actually seen.

And for the longest time I happily masturbated while Hubby was at work (ready to go again if he expressed interest). Door locked against any kid out of bed intrusions. It was all going along rather well. I was happier because I was satisfied. Hubby continued along in his blissful world of getting it when he wanted and not worrying about it when he didn't. Then one night he came home and the bedroom door was locked. I had fallen asleep. I would love to say that I am just that good, but lets be honest, as good as I might be I am not wearing myself out. LIFE is wearing me out. Kids and house and just day to day life. (yes, I understand this holds true for Hubby as well, but we are talking about me right now) The point being that it burst a little bubble in our marriage. I don't know if he saw it as an attack on him or if it had no impact at all. Our sex life puttered along unchanged. And I became more and more familiar with my toys and with my body.

He has actually reaped the benefits from my sessions. And not just increased Kegel strength. Old Faithful opened up a whole new door for Hubby. Knowing my own body better has definitely worked in his favor. But everytime he notices that I have probably been masturbating he makes little comments. To me they sound snide. Like he is laughing at me. Let me tell ya, not the way to lure me to bed. And absolutely a way to make me spend more time alone.

Now to find a friend for Old Faithful .... Anyone have a suggestion?